The Dungeon Chronicles
Part 1, Chapter 2:

(After an hour and a half of eating, drinking, fighting, name-calling, insulting, snowball throwing, destroying Dan's bed and other acts of mischief, mayhem and chaos...)

STEVE: Okay guys, are you ready to begin? Hmmmm?!
DENNIS: Just start already, okay Steve!?!
STEVE: {condescendingly} Easy Den. ...Anyway... You guys left off just when a band of marauding, homosexual, Fire Giants cornered you into a closet full of jars of Vaseline and ribbed condoms with---
PAUL: {interrupting} Steve, quit dickin around!!!
STEVE: Okay, okay. Well...
BERNIE: {waking up and confused} Hold on!?! ... Where did the Fire Giants come from and I don't remember any closet?!?
STEVE: Huh!?! Bernie, I was only...
DAN: Steve, remember, "This is Bernie we're talkin' about."
DENNIS: {getting annoyed now} Just will you cut the shit Steve!!
STEVE: Why? ... Are you hungry? ...Anyway... The Stirges are still partying up on two of your group member's blood. What do you do?!
PAUL: I knock the little fuckers off with my adamantite sword!!!
STEVE: Sorry Paulie, but the sword is too big for that, so you had better make nice-nice with your comrades so they'll pry the stirges off you.
PAUL: Steve!... I swear I'm gonna throw this stupid sword away!!!
STEVE: A +5 sword? ... Be my guest.
PAUL: Good! What new sword will I get then?
STEVE: I guess you'll have to buy a new one Paulie.
PAUL: I mean what kind of magical sword will I get Steve?
STEVE: Paul... for one thing... I'm not just going to hand you a magic sword, ...and... if you throw away a +5, adamantite, two handed sword, ...which... was given to you by your god Crom, you're a fool!!
PAUL: C'mon Steve! Just give me something else, or I'm not gonna play this stupid game.
DAN: Steve... While you're at it, my magic missile wand is gettin' kinda old. How about a Staff of the Magi?
BERNIE: Huh?!?
DERMOT: I want my Holy Sword!
BERNIE: What?!
DENNIS: I want my Vorpal Blade!
BERNIE: I'm hungry. Is there anymore pizza?
STEVE: {loosening his temper} Shuttt Uppppp!!!!! ...You will get nothing and like it, till I say you do!! ...Understand??!!!?!!?


STEVE: Good! Now then---
DAN: But Steve, what about---
STEVE: Dan ...don't start! ...Anyway... Paul and Dennis' characters are rapidly losing hit points via the offending monsters. For the last time... -WHAT-DO-YOU-DO!?!
DENNIS: We pull them off, okay Steve!
STEVE: Good! ...(Sigh)... They fly away after you pull them off and that's that. I can't take anymore of this. {Checks watch} ...Well, it took you only forty-five minutes to pull the stirges off the Barbarian and the Cavalier're getting better.
PAUL: Thanks Steve, now what treasure do we get?
STEVE: The Stirges were wandering monsters in which you attracted Paulie. Why don't you check their coat pockets to see if they have anything?
PAUL: Steve you asshole!
DENNIS: You just had to break the windows Paul!!
PAUL: You just wish your cherry was broken ya little shit!
DENNIS: Fuck you Paul! Why are you such an asshole?!?
STEVE: Gentlemen ...and Paul... I think that's enough for tonight, it's almost 2:00 am.
Everybody: Okay, bye Steve!
DAN: What time shall I call you tomorrow?
STEVE: Well?? {Starts to think} I wake up around 3:00 pm, and I take a shower about 4:30 pm, and then I eat something about 5:00, so just call me around 5:30.
DAN: Okay, and don't forget your dice this time. {Throws bag to Steve.}
BERNIE: {Wakening up} Huh?!? ... What time is it? ... Did I fall asleep?! Anymore pizza? Oh yeah, hey Steve what happened with those Fire Giants?!
STEVE: {Pulling hair out of his head and running from the room} "AAAIGHHHH!!!!!" {Then proceeds to patch out on the front yard} SCCREEECCH!!!

The Dungeon Chronicles

Stay tuned, more to come.